As I write this, I am sitting in a parking lot planning my next binge eating session at a Chinese restaurant. I am alone and emotional. I am not going out to have dinner with friends and have
My home life just felt like torture, but I didn’t understand why. And having parents that told me to grow up and get over it really didn’t help. So when I finally became an “adult”, I didn’t handle it well. I got married way too young, became an alcoholic, and just hated the whole world.
Love said some things in truth to overcome the evil in my friend. When she called multiple times threatening suicide, I listened and tried to reason with her, but I realized it wasn’t her talking, it was Suicide. What became the last time that Suicide called, I knew who I was talking to and I had enough of its control over my friend. So I called its bluff. I knew the Suicide bully’s strength was held in its threat and the bully’s fire was the fear of it following through. I was done reasoning in my own strength so I called its bluff. I honestly never thought about my story until I was asked to tell it here. I wept and Jesus healed my heart of what I bore in love back then, residue pain left behind. It was always about my friend and her restoration and that’s okay because she’s worth it.
When he attempted suicide by drug overdose I realized something more serious was going on. He planned it so we would be there to see him suffer. That angered me a lot because Dad was supposed to be around to take care of us. We had no idea he needed to be taken care of. He was admitted to a Mental Institution for a few weeks. We didn’t talk about what happened to anyone. We were told Dad was” crazy” and that was all we knew. While he was in the hospital I believe Mom made the divorce final and we found ourselves relocating to her new life which pushed Dad further away. We didn’t know what to think or who to turn to for guidance.
It’s been 7 months since I survived a ruptured brain aneurysm…I was asked to share the experience so that maybe someone who’s suffering as I did can get help with medication dependency and depression. I believe God wants me to share these life experiences to help others. The opportunity to do so has truly been the best medication and there are no negative side effects!
Over those 4 years, I had seem gruesome scenes of violence and overdose. I had added multiple drugs (from xanax to percocet to cocaine) to my daily arsenal, and had begun dealing drugs. I had caught my mom also using drugs, which had widened the gap in our already distant relationship. I had nobody positive in my life, so I turned even more so to the streets. I accumulated an extensive rap sheet, with dozens of charges, mostly including possession of drugs, selling drugs, and committing robberies. At almost 17, I was caught with about an ounce of cocaine and threatened to 10 years in state prison.
The first time I drank I was 12 years old. Now this- this was the “more” I was looking for. I continued my normal activities of living, but not long after started smoking weed. By the time I was 16 I was taking Ecstasy and smoking crack on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. By the time I was 17 I had dropped out of school, stolen thousands of dollars from my family, hurt my four brothers in ways i could only imagine, and had already been arrested four times. On and off probation, in and out of the hospital, this chaos was exactly what I craved. It was never ending and I fed off of it. And I wasn’t stopping there. Why would I? Remember how I took pride in everything I did?
Constantly surrounded in a darkness that I can’t seem to shake. I spent two weeks of my life in a hospital ward for teens who have tried to commit suicide. Once I returned home I wasn’t the same. My mood stayed the same, despite the fact that I wasn’t physically hurting myself. I spent my days blinking back tears, and my nights crying alone in my room. With no one to turn to, I started losing my faith in the Lord. My last prayer to the lord was… “Father, you have left me alone with no guidance. Please send someone to help me, someone to guide me out of this, and help the pain to stop. Thank you Lord, Amen”
My name is Laura… I am 25 years old.
I have been struggling with a Mental Disorder my whole life up until now. When I was 7 years old, I started pulling out my eyelashes…I was a very painfully shy kid who had no outlet. My father was a very mentally abusive alcoholic and my mother worked all of the time and when she wasn’t working, I was attached to her hip. By the age of 14, I began to self-mutilate. My parents tried to figure out what was wrong with me.