It’s so easy to expect others to give you want you need and want. I just wanted to know love, to feel love. Loved for who I was, not fit in to another’s expectation of what they wanted me to be. I spent my whole life performing for that love and acceptance. I was wounded and to say the least very tormented. Which led to drug addiction to mask the pain and that was the only time I felt good, but it was never enough and only added to my pain. I caused much pain to others. I tried so hard to get people to love me, but only ended up destroying the relationship’s. I ended up hopeless, not because God wasn’t able to help me, but because I couldn’t believe that He loved me or even wanted too. I thought I wasn’t good enough or my performance didn’t approve with Him. I gave up on me, life and God. I took 90 pills with alcohol. I laid there waiting to die. I was so scared to die, but could no longer live. In God’s great love and mercy. He kept me from dying. I remember my first thought when I woke up. There is no way I should be alive. I knew that God kept me from dying and that He really loved me. 

Looking for Love