Many years ago my family planned a camping trip in the middle of winter, a very exciting time for us all. While packing and beginning to leave all the preparations were made. As we began to leave I remembered thinking…..is
Recently I’ve become very adventurous. I love trying new things. Well, a few weeks ago, I decided to go snorkeling in the Keys. I had been only snorkeling one time in the ’80s. Truth be told, I’m not a good
Sharon was taking a lot of drugs, drinking and nothing was making her feel good. I saw her family in denial of her behavior as they were scared too.I grew up with her so I knew things had gotten so bad she needed professional help. My biggest challenge was getting her to admit she needed the help and finding the best place to take her. I made a lot of calls to inquire how to get her into a drug rehab program. I got her doctor involved and accepted his advice. We finally found the perfect place to take her and called on a Tuesday afternoon. I told the man I just wanted to get some information and he said,“You have to be strong and do what’s best for her. Do you want your sister to live?”I said, “Yes, I do!”
I was in love, with that pill. I could feel good even though I was hurting on the inside. But that ended in disaster and I tried to take my life.
What I wanted, needed and waited for my whole life……
I always longed for my moms love and approval. She was very abusive to me. I was taken away from her at 12 years old. Yet the longing for her love and approval never stopped..When I had my son Chris she showed up at the hospital. I got so excited and thought I was going to finally have what I longed for. We stayed in contact, but never seem to meet her approval. It was very unhealthy, but I was relentless in pursuing that love and approval.
It’s so easy to expect others to give you want you need and want. I just wanted to know love, to feel love. Loved for who I was, not fit in to another’s expectation of what they wanted me to be. I spent my whole life performing for that love and acceptance. I was wounded and to say the least very tormented. Which led to drug addiction to mask the pain and that was the only time I felt good, but it was never enough and only added to my pain. I caused much pain to others. I tried so hard to get people to love me, but only ended up destroying the relationship’s. I ended up hopeless, not because God wasn’t able to help me, but because I couldn’t believe that He loved me or even wanted too.